Now there is English and there is 'Indian English.' Frankly it is high time those moronic companies which use 'call centres' in India realised that my, and I suspect vast numbers of other peoples, immediate reaction when we pick up the telephone and hear the sing song tones of an Indian speaking our name is to put the bloody receiver down. This is not because we have anything against the poor enslaved soul at the other end of the line it is just that we cannot be bothered to spend the next five minutes of the day saying 'what' every few seconds as we try and make out what the hell he is on about only to find out that he is trying to sell double glazing, which I certainly don't want. The telephone call I have just received was apparently on behalf of Scottish Power who I happen to buy my electricity off. It was all about reading my meter and no doubt it was important but frankly life - I thought - is to short so I said goodbye and out the receiver down. Now I live in fear that I will be cut off.
Now come on Scottish Power how much are you really saving by relocating your call centre to India? Not nearly as much as you think because so many people react just as I do. In essence all your notional savings are flushed down the toilet by the number of your customers who just put the receiver down and say fuck you. I simply do not believe that the economic case stacks up. Surely among all those unemployed youths in the UK you can find some who not only want to earn an honest crust but have a diction which is understandable by the vast majority. Though I must counsel you not to relocate to Glasgow - if there is one form of English which is even more incomprehensible than Indian English it is surely Glaswegian.